A Tiger and His Tail

So what are we gonna do about ol' Tiger Woods? It seems he's been driving long past the fairway and putting far beyond the green. So much so that, ahem, his balls are now in the rough. In fact, it appears his wife may be the Woods' family member to receive the lion's share of the press coverage in the immediate future for her golf club wielding form.

Unless you dwell in a cave, camp on a remote cliff, or reside outside the reach of broadcast technology, the recent story concerning the world-class golfer phenom has probably crossed your path more than a few times in the past week or so. He had a minor traffic accident in the wee hours of the morning on his very own street. Initial stories reported his wife used a golf club - perhaps a 5 iron? - to rescue him; later stories suggested she utilized it to clobber him after discovering he'd been seeing another woman. At last glance, that tally was up to four extra-marital physical relationships as well-built unknowns have emerged to clamor for the public spotlight.

Whatever the real story is, the press and the public are gobbling it up, hand over fist, serving up and consuming new versions, edited versions, and alleged versions with dizzying speed. Until now, this mega golf champion enjoyed ultra-positive coverage in the media, including a polished appearance on the "Oprah Winfrey Show" several years back with Miss Oprah herself leading the adoring fan pack. He could do no wrong. Multi-million dollar endorsement deals sealed his financial success and introduced him into the living rooms of viewers who otherwise had no interest in how many strokes he took to get from hole 1 to hole 18 on any given PGA day. Though he did not lay singular claim to his black heritage - instead choosing to encapsulate his mixed Asian, African American, Caucasian blood with the term 'Cablinasian - he was considered the next black athlete superstar when Michael Jordan stepped down. In all arenas, Tiger Woods managed to appear endearingly wholesome, appealingly virile, and beyond fault.

Now, back to my opening question: what are we gonna do about Mr. Woods?

WE shouldn't do anything about Tiger Woods. I'm fairly certain his WIFE will do something about him, perhaps something TO him. She may even take him someWHERE: to counseling, to court, to the 'cleaners!' As well she should take her tiger by his tail! It is their private relationship business, after all. He's neither a pastor nor a politician. He didn't abuse a minor or rape a golf groupie. If all as it seems to be shaping up, he's simply a famous philanderer. Perhaps a STUPID famous philanderer. Whoa . . . how original!

But US, the big WE, the adoring fans, the admiring public, even the apathetic viewers, who collectively gasped and wallowed in shock at this older-than-dirt transgression between man and woman, women, whatever number, we should only be surprised at ourselves! Who told us Tiger could do no wrong? Who told us to believe his public image? Who told us he existed outside the scope of temptation and marital discord? Just because he can swing a big stick with grace and hit a wee round target into a distant pocket within the earth better than most other human beings on this planet is no reason at all to dismiss his very humanity. As singularly unique as he is in comparison to most of us folks, there yet remain sharp points of commonality that not a one of us can escape. For a wide variety of reasons - and in Tiger's case, fairly expected and predictable reasons given his status and wealth - husbands stray off course and venture into sand traps (wives do, too, but the numbers tend to lean toward our testosterone-laden gents), often sinking knee deep before they realize the position they've put themselves and those around them in for the sake of an urge.

Yes, he's famous and as such provides excellent fodder for the news outlets when his Escalade gently crashes into a tree. Yes, there are those train wreck-watchers who take a sick delight in witnessing the unexpected fall of a hero. But, when do WE draw the line in the sand? When do we decide to exercise our option to choose real news over salacious gossip? When do we lower the curtain of privacy over a hurting family and allow them the chance to deal and heal outside the scope of prying eyes? When do we discourage fame seekers from making laughing-stocks of themselves by refusing to attend their press conferences and leaving their 'rag' stories on the rack? When do we say enough is enough . . . ENOUGH ALREADY . . . and democratically determine ourselves to be a nation of grown-ups with enough problems in our government, health system, infrastructure, and our own backyards to keep us busy for a decade of Sundays?

I'm thinking today is good.